Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Everlasting.... Never
I think about the life that I have today. I would have never imagined in a 100 years that I would be at this place in my life. It's funny how we are so busy planning, that we forget that we those be dreams, come big changes. So here I am, at a place of change. Heading right down the fork in the road and I realized that we always get exactly what we asked for. I never wanted to be burdoned by things or places or thoughts or expression. Now it's funny, I'm getting exactly what I asked for and I initially failed to realize it. "Ask and you shall receive".... that phrase I always remember. At first thought, I think, which way to turn, which way to go. Then I re-evaluate that thought and realize that I already know what to do. I always did.
Step 1for me is realizing that when I ask for something, often it means that I MUST give something up to make room for the new. This is the step that I currently exist. I remain optimistic. But I know that I already am. I always had what I asked for, I just needed to accept it. I just needed to rememeber that there is no separation between me and that never ending power. I just had to remember to tap into that power and ask, then accept it because it already is.
I have also had to accept over these last 2 years that there are those who are true and those that were meant to be seasonal. I was meant to learn from those seasonal relationships, appreciate them for what they are and then let it go without malice but joy of that very experience. This makes me truly blessed.
Nothing is meant to last forever and change is inevitable. For 2 years, I was in a cocoon state. There are some who probably believe that I was being shady, but I will say that I am not. There are those that will say that I have remained sad and unmotivated for 2 years and again I say, I have not. I was in between 2 worlds: The "now" and the suspended state of sleeping while awake....
But at last, I am awake now and ready to move forward and walk through the fire.
Step 1for me is realizing that when I ask for something, often it means that I MUST give something up to make room for the new. This is the step that I currently exist. I remain optimistic. But I know that I already am. I always had what I asked for, I just needed to accept it. I just needed to rememeber that there is no separation between me and that never ending power. I just had to remember to tap into that power and ask, then accept it because it already is.
I have also had to accept over these last 2 years that there are those who are true and those that were meant to be seasonal. I was meant to learn from those seasonal relationships, appreciate them for what they are and then let it go without malice but joy of that very experience. This makes me truly blessed.
Nothing is meant to last forever and change is inevitable. For 2 years, I was in a cocoon state. There are some who probably believe that I was being shady, but I will say that I am not. There are those that will say that I have remained sad and unmotivated for 2 years and again I say, I have not. I was in between 2 worlds: The "now" and the suspended state of sleeping while awake....
But at last, I am awake now and ready to move forward and walk through the fire.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
Fake it until you make it?
Every time I try to fake it, I flake it. :) I used to be able to just go with the flow of everyday corporate crap but for some reason or another, I have reached a plateau that I can not return. The endless red tape, nonsensical processes, the superior-like mindset, the complete disregard for human life accept for their own. I guess it is really true that once we know better, we must do better.
Now I must say, I am usually intensely reflective before a birthday (which is 6/19) and I have this need to think about my past decisions and how not only have I changed but what have I added to this world?
I must say, "nothing" for the last year.
I'm sitting here at my desk at this huge corporation and everything is the same. It is fake and pointless and dull and destructive.
I thought that I had pulled myself up from my slump, but I wonder if I never did? Maybe I just pulled myself from the bottom, but I never cleared the ditch.
Furthermore, as of late, I keep making the choice to take the wrong path (towards success) even though I know that it takes away from what's true more than what it gives back. I have been in deep thought over how I could work for a corporation that would tell someone that even though they are sick, that if they leave that they will receive a disciplinary action which resulted in the employee going to the E.R. This deeply bothers me as I know this is not acceptable; it is not humane.
So I know what you are thinking (as am I), so now what?
Here's what I do know, I will soon change my path again. I am vowing to give back and take less. I am vowing to be the one that stands up to the "machine" and say "no" - it is not acceptable.
OK, so enough of that. My birthday is tomorrow and I am planning a very relaxing day of good music, good food and good fun. I have nothing planned but sometimes nothing is everything and more.
Later.
Now I must say, I am usually intensely reflective before a birthday (which is 6/19) and I have this need to think about my past decisions and how not only have I changed but what have I added to this world?
I must say, "nothing" for the last year.
I'm sitting here at my desk at this huge corporation and everything is the same. It is fake and pointless and dull and destructive.
I thought that I had pulled myself up from my slump, but I wonder if I never did? Maybe I just pulled myself from the bottom, but I never cleared the ditch.
Furthermore, as of late, I keep making the choice to take the wrong path (towards success) even though I know that it takes away from what's true more than what it gives back. I have been in deep thought over how I could work for a corporation that would tell someone that even though they are sick, that if they leave that they will receive a disciplinary action which resulted in the employee going to the E.R. This deeply bothers me as I know this is not acceptable; it is not humane.
So I know what you are thinking (as am I), so now what?
Here's what I do know, I will soon change my path again. I am vowing to give back and take less. I am vowing to be the one that stands up to the "machine" and say "no" - it is not acceptable.
OK, so enough of that. My birthday is tomorrow and I am planning a very relaxing day of good music, good food and good fun. I have nothing planned but sometimes nothing is everything and more.
Later.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
You've gotta be kidding me....
Every week, we are suppose to submit feedback regarding the training process and for the last 2 weeks since we've had someone new, they have completely disregarded this process.
Here's the deal, someone said in class today that maybe things would improve if we wrote down what should be improved... and suddenly, with the ignored matter being address, the "trainer" decided to request that everyone submit their suggestions. I ignored him, of course.
Oh, I forgot to say that on day 1 of having this new trainer that we had "words". I said exactly what I felt and how ridiculous I thought he was and it's a done deal.
I will just say this, negative energy just builds more negative energy. This is a proven fact.
What's even more ridiculous is that he is taking away from the company and they are blind to this fact.
Check the history of the dinosaurs.
Here's the deal, someone said in class today that maybe things would improve if we wrote down what should be improved... and suddenly, with the ignored matter being address, the "trainer" decided to request that everyone submit their suggestions. I ignored him, of course.
Oh, I forgot to say that on day 1 of having this new trainer that we had "words". I said exactly what I felt and how ridiculous I thought he was and it's a done deal.
I will just say this, negative energy just builds more negative energy. This is a proven fact.
What's even more ridiculous is that he is taking away from the company and they are blind to this fact.
Check the history of the dinosaurs.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
OK... so listen to this -
Once upon a time in a land far far south, there was this guy that started this new job (as most people know) and everything was good. Um, perfect even. He was pretty excited and overall morale was great. He gave his-self fully. They painted a picture of this great kingdom with gum drops and chocolate for breakfast. This environment where everyone sang in unisom and held hands and laughed; they played. At last, nothing ever stays the same - HUH.
So suddenly a darkness came over the kingdom and everything quickly changed for the worst. This normally gentle being had to release the beast. He became resentful and full of anger. There was a great divide and nothing will ever be the same for him or this kingdom.
As he gathered himself, he realized that no place of work in this world deserved this type of energy and this mythical loving kingdom never existed. It was all a rouse. A sad, ugly, unkind, loud-mouthed, ego-tistical rouse.
So he let it go. He let it all go. And He regained his composure. He regained his life-force. He regained his "fight" and went on with his eyes wide open to exist in this new day.
The END.
Question.... what do you think the moral of the story is?
So suddenly a darkness came over the kingdom and everything quickly changed for the worst. This normally gentle being had to release the beast. He became resentful and full of anger. There was a great divide and nothing will ever be the same for him or this kingdom.
As he gathered himself, he realized that no place of work in this world deserved this type of energy and this mythical loving kingdom never existed. It was all a rouse. A sad, ugly, unkind, loud-mouthed, ego-tistical rouse.
So he let it go. He let it all go. And He regained his composure. He regained his life-force. He regained his "fight" and went on with his eyes wide open to exist in this new day.
The END.
Question.... what do you think the moral of the story is?
I'm back and better than ever....
Ok, so let's be real here. That other place did not work out. Um... I knew that on day week, then 1 week and then the last day. It was hillarious though how it ended. I just let and was like, whatever, I'm not coming back. Even though I was pretty much offered a leadership role, the company sucked.
Dear Corporations a/k/a Dinosaurs:
You must evolve or die.
I will share more later.
Dear Corporations a/k/a Dinosaurs:
You must evolve or die.
I will share more later.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Dreaming while awake.
It's almost been a month since I last posted anything and I have no excuse. I was texting with a friend the other day and I had casually mentioned that I really didn't have any memory of the last few weeks.
I can just remember going to work and home. The deal is that I used to be able to work and do a job whether or not I felt a connection with it. Everything has completely changd now and it completely drains me to think of that place. I'm sure we've all been there before so my situation is really quite "normal".
So what I've decided to do is to make sure that I blog no less than every other night before bed. I'm going to carve that time out to write down my thoughts and decompress.
Later
I can just remember going to work and home. The deal is that I used to be able to work and do a job whether or not I felt a connection with it. Everything has completely changd now and it completely drains me to think of that place. I'm sure we've all been there before so my situation is really quite "normal".
So what I've decided to do is to make sure that I blog no less than every other night before bed. I'm going to carve that time out to write down my thoughts and decompress.
Later
Saturday, February 20, 2010
FLASH BACK...... My Thoughts
This was written by me and posted on my myspace page, December 19, 2007:
Invisibly Magnificent
I am open.
Vulnerable to this time and space.
Restless nights seem to become more.
I see not until now.
I have done it again.
This cycle is on repeat.
Just Stop!
Just Stop!
Yet I remain the ghost.
Invisibly magnificent.
Intelligent.
Weak.
Those eyes, that smile.
You.
This cycle is on constant repeat.
And Like a thief, you take my breathe.
My beat.
My life.
I do not want this.
I feel helpless.
Hopeless.
Afraid.
Blinded by your energy.
Your glory.
I stand before you……… empty.
Yet full of you.
In my eyes, a ghost.
Again, restlessness pours down.
Confused and ashamed.
I become an infant in your glory.
If I make it thru again,
I will give anything.
Anything not to feel.
Not to breathe.
Not to cry.
Not to have this restlestness.
To be this ghost.
Your rest is endless.
I'm not as lucky.
But I am invisible.
Magnificent.
Confused.
Lost.
A child.
I acknowledge this cycle of repeat.
I press stop.
I want this not.
I can't.
And somehow won't.
You owe me this.
You owe me nothing.
I lay.
Wide awake.
Open.
Vulnerable.
A ghost created by me.
Invisibly Magnificent
I am open.
Vulnerable to this time and space.
Restless nights seem to become more.
I see not until now.
I have done it again.
This cycle is on repeat.
Just Stop!
Just Stop!
Yet I remain the ghost.
Invisibly magnificent.
Intelligent.
Weak.
Those eyes, that smile.
You.
This cycle is on constant repeat.
And Like a thief, you take my breathe.
My beat.
My life.
I do not want this.
I feel helpless.
Hopeless.
Afraid.
Blinded by your energy.
Your glory.
I stand before you……… empty.
Yet full of you.
In my eyes, a ghost.
Again, restlessness pours down.
Confused and ashamed.
I become an infant in your glory.
If I make it thru again,
I will give anything.
Anything not to feel.
Not to breathe.
Not to cry.
Not to have this restlestness.
To be this ghost.
Your rest is endless.
I'm not as lucky.
But I am invisible.
Magnificent.
Confused.
Lost.
A child.
I acknowledge this cycle of repeat.
I press stop.
I want this not.
I can't.
And somehow won't.
You owe me this.
You owe me nothing.
I lay.
Wide awake.
Open.
Vulnerable.
A ghost created by me.
The What, When & Why's
At what point in time did it become acceptable for a place of opportunity to demand from you more than humanly possible? I mean, the demands are beyond the reimbursement for the act. Who was that first person that said, ok I will accept your abuse and try my best to live off of "nothing" because I need a job. The fact is, there's no corporation without employees, so why do we accept this abuse? Can someone tell me why?
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Maybe there is an "I" in "Team".
I sat in my first team meeting this weeking and there was a common theme. I constantly heard the phrase "my team" and after that I really couldn't tell you what was said because I wasn't listening and neither was anyone else. The body language of the group was one of distance and lack of interest. But this was definitely understandable afterall we don't really "show up" for things that we don't feel connected to right?
Anyway, a co-worker asked me what I thought about the job so far with a smirk and kind of a wink. I said, well I haven't been here 30 days yet but something is definitely odd or interesting. She said, "ok, just wait a little longer". I asked her to elaborate but she wouldn't. She just smile and her facial impression said it all. She very clearly affirmed everything that I had observed and had mentioned since week 1.
The good news is, at the end of the "my" team speech, the "leader" did affirm that we are all on the same team which completely erased the 50 times she said "my and mine" during the meeting, right?
Anyway, a co-worker asked me what I thought about the job so far with a smirk and kind of a wink. I said, well I haven't been here 30 days yet but something is definitely odd or interesting. She said, "ok, just wait a little longer". I asked her to elaborate but she wouldn't. She just smile and her facial impression said it all. She very clearly affirmed everything that I had observed and had mentioned since week 1.
The good news is, at the end of the "my" team speech, the "leader" did affirm that we are all on the same team which completely erased the 50 times she said "my and mine" during the meeting, right?
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Steadily approaching day 30....
And it all seems like a blurr. I can't believe it has been almost a month.
So if time flies by when we are having fun, then does time race at the speed of light when you're in hell? Just saying.
Before I forget, Happy "VD" people. I had to work today so I didn't have to endure all of the madness. I even received a very thoughtful text message from a friend which said: "Even tho u don't endulge.... Happy Valentines Day sweetie." For those of you who don't know, I was on a rant a couple of months ago about people and the holidays and blah blah blah so I know exactly where she was coming from and I understand completely.
Let me take a moment to clear my name (LOL). I do not hate or boycott any "holiday"; rather I just don't see them to be any special than any other day. I guess what I'm saying is that if I am boycotting, it would be the commercialism of everything and the massive debt that it creates.
Picture this: Easter. What comes to mind? I'm sure in the top 10 would probably be a new pastel colored suit, hard-boiled eggs, marshmallow ducks and a basket. Ha ha ha ha !! I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with that, I'm just saying that I choose not to give it much value. Holidays are what we decide.
My favorite holiday used to be "Drunk Sunday". Every Sunday I would go out for mexican food and tons of margaritas with friends and drink until we could no longer speak. Afterwards, we would crawl into bed and dream "like there was no tomorrow". It was completely perfect and a once a week celebration that I am planning to bring back soon. I feel drunk just thinking about it... but I digress.
It's been a month and what have I learned from life and this experience: Simply put... just listen, follow your heart and take chances. No one has ever created the life of their dreams by playing it safe and coloring inside the lines.
Note to self: "Time to get more crayons."
So if time flies by when we are having fun, then does time race at the speed of light when you're in hell? Just saying.
Before I forget, Happy "VD" people. I had to work today so I didn't have to endure all of the madness. I even received a very thoughtful text message from a friend which said: "Even tho u don't endulge.... Happy Valentines Day sweetie." For those of you who don't know, I was on a rant a couple of months ago about people and the holidays and blah blah blah so I know exactly where she was coming from and I understand completely.
Let me take a moment to clear my name (LOL). I do not hate or boycott any "holiday"; rather I just don't see them to be any special than any other day. I guess what I'm saying is that if I am boycotting, it would be the commercialism of everything and the massive debt that it creates.
Picture this: Easter. What comes to mind? I'm sure in the top 10 would probably be a new pastel colored suit, hard-boiled eggs, marshmallow ducks and a basket. Ha ha ha ha !! I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with that, I'm just saying that I choose not to give it much value. Holidays are what we decide.
My favorite holiday used to be "Drunk Sunday". Every Sunday I would go out for mexican food and tons of margaritas with friends and drink until we could no longer speak. Afterwards, we would crawl into bed and dream "like there was no tomorrow". It was completely perfect and a once a week celebration that I am planning to bring back soon. I feel drunk just thinking about it... but I digress.
It's been a month and what have I learned from life and this experience: Simply put... just listen, follow your heart and take chances. No one has ever created the life of their dreams by playing it safe and coloring inside the lines.
Note to self: "Time to get more crayons."
September by. Earth, Wind and Fire
My song of the day...and this never gets old or boring!! Loves it.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
EGo
So I've been thinking:
Are we truly shocked when something tragic happens (like death, illness, etc.) in our circle? Or does the shock stem from the re-acknowledgment of the reality that we truly can not be the center of everything?
There are many factors in life that we really have no control of..... we have to adjust the best we can. Even still when tragedy happens, we often feel as if "our" world has ended. This great tragedy can sometimes quickly become this big self-attention-getting act of injustice done to us.
Are we really that selfish? Is everything really about "us"?
Are we truly shocked when something tragic happens (like death, illness, etc.) in our circle? Or does the shock stem from the re-acknowledgment of the reality that we truly can not be the center of everything?
There are many factors in life that we really have no control of..... we have to adjust the best we can. Even still when tragedy happens, we often feel as if "our" world has ended. This great tragedy can sometimes quickly become this big self-attention-getting act of injustice done to us.
Are we really that selfish? Is everything really about "us"?
Monday, February 8, 2010
A snow day returneth !! (Beginning of Week 4)
Ok so here's the deal, I was trying to be a good boy and I went to work this morning. But guess what?? Not a dang member of "leadership" was there. Not a 1 of them.
Go figure.
Now I know that you may be in shock right now so I'll give you a few minutes to breathe and get a glass of water.
And....... welcome back!
Now then, I wasn't shocked or surprised being that this very thing had happened the week prior. And not that I actually care, I just thought it was hillarious since just a couple of weeks prior they (the supposed-leaders) were doing herkies and hand-stands about how much they love work and the importance of showing up everyday (thankfully I'm not buying what they are selling).
I mean, paint me old fashioned but a leader leads by example. The absurdness of "do what I say not what I do" doesn't even work with children. Plus it creates a bigger division which decreases morale and productivity... blah blah blah.
With all of that said, I am completely disappointed that I've had 2 snow days in the last 2 weeks and I was so irresponsibly responsible that I got out of bed at 6am, had breakfast, showered, dressed and went to work for a half day. Why oh why didn't I just follow the lead and sleep in, have a bloody mary at 9am with my eggs and live the good life. Apparently everyone else did.
Right!?!
Go figure.
Now I know that you may be in shock right now so I'll give you a few minutes to breathe and get a glass of water.
And....... welcome back!
Now then, I wasn't shocked or surprised being that this very thing had happened the week prior. And not that I actually care, I just thought it was hillarious since just a couple of weeks prior they (the supposed-leaders) were doing herkies and hand-stands about how much they love work and the importance of showing up everyday (thankfully I'm not buying what they are selling).
I mean, paint me old fashioned but a leader leads by example. The absurdness of "do what I say not what I do" doesn't even work with children. Plus it creates a bigger division which decreases morale and productivity... blah blah blah.
With all of that said, I am completely disappointed that I've had 2 snow days in the last 2 weeks and I was so irresponsibly responsible that I got out of bed at 6am, had breakfast, showered, dressed and went to work for a half day. Why oh why didn't I just follow the lead and sleep in, have a bloody mary at 9am with my eggs and live the good life. Apparently everyone else did.
Right!?!
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